Dana wants me to take over the budget for one month so I can see how much money I spend. Apparently I'm spending too much money on therapy...and books...and coffee. In my defense though, all three of those purchases make me a more likable person. Anyone want to donate so I'm not such an asshole to you? Please message me at the end of this post.
I hate paying bills, and I have no desire to do any more math then necessary, so I countered her offer/threat of me doing the budget for one month with an offer that I had a 99.9% chance of her refusing. Let me set the room for you. We're sitting on the couch and she's explaining to me while holding me...some would think she was restraining me, but really she was comforting me...that I apparently do not need to have a 50 min therapy session on Monday when I just had a 100 min therapy session on Friday. She said I'm a great person and that I should spread therapy out by 7-10 days. I said I might be a great person, but I don't always FEEL like a great person. I reminded her that I needed to take a bath and shave my legs for the start of the week. (I'm in running shorts everyday because I refuse to wear tight pants, tight capris...anything that doesn't require me to shave my legs and is suppose to hide my cellulite/cottage cheese, and make everyone want to follow me around the room because my ass is emphasized. My God...what a rant. Bottom line: I hate tight clothing.) That's when the brilliant counter offer came to me. I lifted my leg into the air as if I actually had the flexibility of a dancer, acted like I was shaving my leg, and said, "Honey, I'll do the budget for one month if you take a bath with me ONCE, while I'm shaving my legs."
It worked. Baths freak her out (according to Dana, "You're sitting in your own filth."), and I knew she would definitely say no to taking a bath with me while my leg hairs, her filth, and my filth were enveloping and slowly drowning her.