Sleep Training


Our son reached 12 months of age at the end of April. That's right folks! We have kept him alive for 365 days on this earth, i.e., he has survived having us as his mothers for 1 year, and on his birthday we celebrated that he is a healthy and happy boy...unless he's hungry, sleepy, or sick--then he's unhappy for a brief bit. Hey. Nobody's perfect. 

Three days after his birthday we were at his pediatrician's office for his one year wellness check-up. Lots of questions, lots of answers, measurements, a few escapes out of the exam room by our son, vaccines, and 1/2 a PB&J sandwich later, we somehow get on the topic of his sleep. Quick background here: from 8 weeks until 8 months our son slept through the night in his own crib. Then object permanence set in, and when he would wake up in the middle of the night he would no longer fall back asleep because he remembered that we were somewhere nearby. So with a map, GPS unit, night vision goggles, and a good cry, he locates us from the depths of our dreams and determinedly pulls us into his room. If it's early in the night, we rock him back to sleep and then we go back to sleep. If it's within a couple of hours of when we need to wake up for work, it's a lot easier for all of us to just bring him back into our bed and we all fall asleep quickly for a short bit before the damn alarms start beeping. 

Yes, I know. According to some of you excellent parents whose children never wake up in the middle of the night because you did exactly as the sleep training books suggested, we shouldn't do that. I have even been told, "You will regret that." Thank you. Now shut up and let me get back to my story. We told the pediatrician all of this, and he understood. He's a parent. He did ask us if we were referring to any of the sleep training methods, and we told him we had. Dana informed him that I can not handle the "cry it out" method. I confirmed this because I do not think that there is enough antidepressants and alcohol in the world to help me recover from the feeling that I am hurting and abandoning our son by doing this. And yes, I am in therapy for this. Moving on...

I then suggested a better sleep training method that I thought would work very well with our son, and all other babies: 

Allow me to explain...actually, Andrea Ruygt is such a kickass illustrator, that I'll let her explain it: 

Now, just so some of you wankers know, we did not actually do this for our son in order to help him sleep through the night in his own crib. We are not that desperate yet. It's also illegal, which is why there is no actual picture.

Our son's doctor laughed at my idea, but did point out that whisky can get to be expensive. I then realized that we would need to actually have a hamster in a cage to take the bottle from, but Dana turned that idea down immediately. She hates rodents. Probably a good thing because the hamster would then become dehydrated. 

So, it looks like if we actually try the "cry it out" method I will be walking the streets with Lincoln until I receive a text from Dana letting me know that it's ok to come back home. Until we get to that point, I'm fine with how we handle his wake-ups in the middle of the night. I leave the house for work before Dana and Sawyer are awake in the morning, and it's very cute to see them both lying in the same sleeping position in bed. It brings a smile to my face, which is a great way to start the day.